Boundary Stones
From the Series—Boundaries
January 9, 2003This evotional begins a three-week series titled Boundaries. All of us stuggle to juggle competing demands for our time, energy, and resources. We often feel overcommitted and overwhelmed. This seris is about reestablishing godly and healthy boundaries.
Proverbs 23:10 says, “ Do not move the ancient boundary stones .” A boundary stone was the ancient equivalent of a “no trespassing” sign. Cross the line and there are consequences! Proverbs 23:10 is talking about physical boundaries, but there are also spiritual, emotional, relational, and personal boundaries that need to be established. If we cross the line there are consequences. Here are some symptoms of a boundaryless life:
You’ve lost spiritual intensity.
You’re consistently overcommitted.
You’ve fallen back into some bad habits.
You’re in over your head financially.
You have time for everyone except the important people in your life.
You’re out of gas, out of sorts, out of balance, and out of ideas.
You’ve made moral compromises.
All of us can relate with some of those symptoms. What happened? At some point, consciously or unconsciously, a boundary stone moved . The solution to the problem is to put the boundary stone back where it belongs . Here’s how.
Do Something Radical
Jesus said, “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.” You shouldn’t take this passage literally. Jesus is using hyperbole. But you should take it seriously. Jesus is saying: take radical measures to reestablish godly boundaries . If you want to reestablish boundaries you’ve got to do something radical.
In II Kings 23, some spiritual boundary stones had moved. The Temple was full of idols to other gods. King Josiah doesn’t just remove the idols. Listen to some of the words used to describe what Josiah did to these idols: “ burned “, “ tore down “, “ pulled down “, “ broke down “, “ cut down “, “ demolished “, “ smashed “, and “ ground to powder. “ Josiah took radical steps to remove sin . If you want to reestablish boundaries it’s not easy. You’ve got to do something radical.
About-Face
Make a radical change . The biblical word is repentance . Repentance is not a slight adjustment. It’s not a minor midcourse correction. Repentance is an about-face. It’s a 180 degree turn.
Luke 19 tells the story of a tax collector named Zaccheus. Tax collectors were notorious for cheating people out of their hard-earned money. But Zaccheus does an about-face. “Here and now I give half my possessions to the poor , and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount .” That is radical repentance. His livelihood was cheating the poor out of what little they had. Then he “turned around” and gave away half of his portfolio to the poor! That’s evidence of true repentance .
Acts 19:19 tells the story of some sorcerers who did an about-face. “A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly . When they calculated the value of the scrolls, the total came to fifty-thousand drachmas.” That is radical repentance. A drachma was a silver coin worth a day’s wage. In today’s economy, this was a $5 million bonfire ! They could have rationalized selling the scrolls and pocketing the money, but they didn’t. The scrolls were a source of evil and they refused to sell their souls for $5 million. That is evidence of true repentance .
You may need to do something radical at the beginning of a New Year. If you don’t, this year will be just like last year. Maybe you need to give something away . Maybe you need to burn something . Desperate times call for desperate measures. Make a radical change to reestablish godly boundaries.
Resolutions and Vows
Make a radical choice . The biblical word is vow . And the Bible is full of them. Here’s the difference between a vow and a New Years Resolution. A New Years resolution is a promise to yourself . And that’s great. But a vow takes it to another level. It’s a promise to God . And vows are serious business.
Ecclesiastes 5:4-7 says, “When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow . It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it . Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, ‘ My vow was a mistake .’ Much dreaming and many words are meaningless .”
A vow shouldn’t be an off-the-cuff decision. It’s got to be a calculated commitment . Here are three guidelines when it comes to vow-making:
Make sure it’s measurable . In Genesis 28:22, Jacob vowed, “ Of all that you give me I will give you a tenth .” It was specific. And it was measurable. Jacob doesn’t say, “I’ll be more generous” or “I’ll give more.” He says, “I’ll give a tenth.”
Make sure it has time parameters . Open-ended vows are tough to keep. Give yourself a deadline or timeframe .
And make sure you have visual reminders of your vow. We tend to remember what we should forget and forget what we should remember . We need visual reminders. Acts 18:18 says, “Before he sailed, Paul had his hair cut off at Cenchrea because of a vow he had taken .” We don’t know what vow Paul made. But we do know that Paul shaved his head. It was a visual reminder.
Give Something Up
If you want to reestablish boundaries you have to give something up. In Luke 8, Jesus encounters a demoniac. “Jesus asked him, ‘What’s your name?’ ‘ Legion ,’ he replied, because many demons had gone into him.”
A legion was a military regiment consisting of up to six thousand Roman soldiers . Stop and think about the practical ramifications of being possessed by six thousand demons. This man heard six thousand different voices . He was pulled in six thousand difference directions . With that as a backdrop, listen to Elizabeth O’Conner’s profound observation. “ My name is ‘Legion’,” she said, “ is the plight of us all .” We may not be possessed by six thousand demons, but most of us feel like we are pulled in six thousand directions . We’re legion.
The Thessalonians were legion. II Thessalonians 3:11 says, “Some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies .” The word “busybody” means “ to busy oneself with useless or needless matters .” The Thessalonians were majoring in minors and minoring in majors . Stephen Covey says, “Anything less than a conscious commitment to the important is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant.”
Busyness is Laziness
It may sound counterintuitive at first earshot, but it’s true. Busyness is laziness. One reason we’re so busy is that we haven’t done the hard work of prioritizing what’s important and what’s not . So we try to do everything. And it’s killing us! In his book, Simplicity , Bill Jensen says, “ The hardest work is figuring out what to do in a world of infinite choices .” If you don’t prioritize for yourself someone else will do it for you!
In Mark 1, Jesus pulls a disappearing act. He gets away to pray and when he comes back the disciples say, “ Everyone is looking for you .” Jesus was in constant demand . Everybody wanted a piece of him . But Jesus didn’t allow outside influences to determine his priorities. He said, “ Let’s go somewhere else --to the nearby villages--so I can preach there also. That’s why I have come.” Jesus refused to let anyone or anything determine his agenda except the Father. He said, “ I must be about my Father’s business .”
We don’t need one more thing to do ! “My name is ‘Legion’ is the plight of us all.” What we need to do is give something up. So here’s an idea: how about saying “no” to some things . Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, in their book Boundaries , say, “ The most basic boundary-setting word is no .”
You cannot prioritize without saying “no” to some things ! We will always have more to do than we can possibly get done. And what we need to realize is that saying “yes” to one thing is saying “no” to something else ! Life is a zero-sum game. Time is a finite resource. And there is always a tradeoff.
I Corinthians 6:12 says, “ Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial .” There are two approaches to life. The permissible approach asks the question: what do I have to do to get by ? The beneficial approach asks: what’s best ?
Successful people don’t settle for second best. They aren’t satisfied with a “permissible approach” to life. They know that good is the enemy of great. Successful people take a “beneficial approach” to life: my utmost for His highest .
Controllers and Compliants
In their book, Boundaries , Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend make a great distinction between two types of people: controllers and compliants .
Controllers don’t respect other people’s boundaries. They think “no” means “maybe” and “maybe” means “yes.” Controllers can’t hear “no.”
Compliants can’t say “no.” Cloud and Townsend say, “Compliant people have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries ; they ‘melt’ into demands and needs from people who want something from them . Compliants, for example, pretend to like the same restaurants and movies their friends do ‘just to get along.’ They minimize differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons . After a while it’s hard to distinguish them from their environments. Whenever they need to protect themselves by saying no, the word catches in their throats .”
What do you need to say “no” to? What is permissible in your life but not beneficial? What do you need to give up?
Here’s an idea. The spiritual discipline of fasting is a great way to give something up and reestablish boundaries! Fasting is about saying “no” to something so you can say “yes” to something else . It is giving something up. In most cases, it’s saying “no” to food for a pre-determined period of time so you can devote that time to praying and studying and seeking God.
Sometimes the only way to give something up is “ cold turkey .” I Corinthians 6:12 says, “ Everything is permissible, but I will not be mastered by anything .” Fasting is a way of saying, “I will not be mastered by anything.” And the truth is: if you can’t give something up then it controls you !
Try Something New
Here’s a definition of insanity: doing the same thing and expecting different results . If you keep on doing what you’ve always done you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always gotten. You need to try something new. Albert Einstein said, “ Problems cannot be solved on the same level they were created .”
It’s a new year. Why not try something new? Isaiah 42:9 says, “The former things have passed away. Behold, I am doing a new thing .” God is always doing a “new thing.” Psalm 96:1 says, “Sing to the Lord a new song .” In other words, find new ways to express your worship to God . Jesus said, “No one pours new wine into old wineskins.” You pour new wine into new wineskins . It’s easy to get stuck in the past. The way to get unstuck is to try something new .
Here’s one idea: try reading the Bible in a new version. Pick up The Message or NIV or King James version. Reading the Bible in a new version will help you get out of a rut and see God in new ways.
If you want to reestablish boundaries you’ve got to do something radical , give something up , and try something new . Take some time this week to think about it and pray about it. Then put the boundary stone back where it belongs!