Heartstrings: Guarding Your Heart
From the Series—Boundaries
January 22, 2003“Above all else,” says Proverbs 4:23,” guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” This evotional concludes our series on Boundaries. Last week’s evotional focused on guarding your time. This week’s evotional explores ten ways to guard your heart.
Don’t Throw Pearls to Pigs
If you want to guard your heart, don’t throw pearls to pigs. That’s Jesus advice in Matthew 7:6. “ Do not give dogs what is sacred ; do not throw your pearls to pigs . If you do, they will trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces .”
If you can’t trust someone, by all means don’t entrust them. If a friend can’t keep confidentiality, stop sharing secrets with them. If a colleague lacks integrity, don’t go into business with them. And if a boyfriend tells you he inherited $50 million but it’s a lie, don’t marry Joe Millionaire. Here’s the principle in this passage:
Level of Trust = Level of Entrustment
Part of guarding your heart means you don’t open up to those who “trample” you. Maybe you’ve had some work relationships or dating relationships that have turned and “torn you to pieces.” I don’t want to let anyone off the hook who hurt you, but if you’d been a better judge of character you would have never hired or dated or befriended them. And it would have saved you a world of hurt. You need to know a pig when you see a pig. And don’t throw them pearls.
Choose Your Friends Wisely
When it comes to relationships, maybe the most important thing is deciding which ones to have and which ones not to have. You need to use extreme caution on the front-end of relationships .
I Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character .” The practical application of that passage is this: don’t spend too much time with people who pull you down spiritually . Here’s a question you to need to ask about all of your relationships: is this relationship good for my relationships with God or bad for my relationship with God? Does this relationship bring out the best in me or bring out the worst in me? Is this relationship tearing me down or building me up ?
If you want to guard your heart you may need to break off some bad relationships . And you need to surround yourself with people who don’t tear you down, but build you up spiritually.
Make a Covenant with Your Eyes
Job 31:1 says, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman.” You can’t guard your heart without guarding your eyes . God has designed us with five senses. When it comes to sex, women tend to be touch-oriented and men tend to be sight-oriented . That’s why pornography is so addictive to so many men. Maybe you need to reestablish some boundaries. Make a covenant with your eyes. Check out http://www.covenanteyes.com.
Don’t Be Unequally Yoked
II Corinthians 6:14 says, “Don’t be yoked together with unbelievers.” A yoke is a piece of farming equipment. It would allow two animals to share the load of plowing. And that’s a good thing. Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Yokes are great, but the Bible is also explicit about not getting in the yoke with the wrong person. Here’s the basic principle: don’t enter into a covenant relationship with someone who is an unbeliever . There are lots of determining factors when it comes to building a great relationship, but right at the top of the list is spiritual intimacy . So here’s my question: how can you have spiritual intimacy if you aren’t even spiritually compatible ?
Let me try to answer the most-asked question related to this passage: should I date an unbeliever ? No couple is at the same spiritual level. And every
relationship is unique. But here is a rule of thumb when it comes to dating relationships: don’t get serious about someone who isn’t serious about God . That’s how you guard your heart. Go ahead and build a friendship, but don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t love God . That means you need to avoid emotional attachment and romantic involvement. That is easier said than done, but the key is establishing boundaries before you get into relationships.
Don’t Act as if Nothing is Wrong
The Message translation of I Corinthians 5:9-11 says, “ You shouldn’t act as if everything is just fine when one of your Christian companions is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can’t just go along with this , treating it as acceptable behavior .”
The principle in that passage is this: don’t act as if nothing is wrong. You aren’t doing anybody any favors if you tolerate sinful behavior . You owe it to yourself and you owe it to them and you owe it to God to do something about it. Here’s the tough question: what if it’s your spouse who is promiscuous or gets drunk or becomes greedy or predatory?
In their book, Boundaries , Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend say, “Couples have a duty to set limits on their spouse’s destructive acts or attitudes . For example, if a husband has a gambling problem, his wife needs to set appropriate limits, such as canceling his credit cards, separating their joint accounts, or insisting that he get professional help, to force him to take responsibility for his problem .” Here are two pieces of advice:
Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions
Don’t Take Responsibility for Others Actions
Codependency is all about the reversal of responsibility . A codependent person takes responsibility for another person’s problems and doesn’t require that person to take responsibility for their own problems . One reason some kids never grow up is because their parents don’t force them to take responsibility for their actions. The kids keep acting out because the parents keep bailing them out . At some point they need to suffer the consequences . I think the same principle applies to marriage. I’m not advocating divorce. But I think sometimes we think that God is pleased if we grin and bear a bad marriage. If we haven’t filed for divorce then everything is alright . Everything isn’t alright.
God hates divorce, but He doesn’t like bad marriages either. His dream for us is happy and healthy and holy relationships . And if something is wrong with your relationship--your spouse is unfaithful or abusive--don’t act as if nothing is wrong. As I Corinthians 5:11 says, “You can’t just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior.”
Follow the example that God sets. God wants an intimate relationship with each and every one of us, but He’s not going to act as if nothing is wrong. He sent his Son to die on the cross to restore the relationship. But we have to repent—that is the only way to restore the relationship .
If a spouse has sinned against you--they have been unfaithful or abusive--then they need to repent . That’s the only way to restore or reconcile the relationship. Don’t settle for anything less than genuine repentance. God doesn’t. “ I’m sorry “ isn’t good enough. True repentance is always evidenced by changed behavior . That’s the key to restoration. And if your spouse genuinely repents then you need to forgive .
Shake the Dust off Your Feet
In Matthew 10:11, Jesus gives instructions as the disciples prepare for their first evangelistic road trip. He says, “Whatever town or village you enter, search for some worthy person there and stay at his house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it, if it is not let your peace return to you . If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town.”
This is such great advice. I think Jesus knew that they’d experience high quantities of rejection and persecution . And if you personalize all that pain your heart can’t handle it . So he gives them two pieces of advice: “let your peace return to you” and “shake the dust off their feet.”
I’m not the object of much criticism, but when someone says something critical it hurts! It’s tough to get it out of your spirit . And it’s tough to keep a soft heart . Some people get hurt and they’re still carrying around the emotional baggage years later because they never let their peace return to them. They never shook the dust off their feet.
Proverbs 19:11 says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience: it is his glory to overlook an offense .” When someone offends you, you have two options: hold onto it or let go of it . If you hold onto the offense it’ll eat a hole in your heart. Sometimes all you can do is shake the dust off your feet and walk away. If you want to guard you heart, let go of the offense.
Pray For Those Who Persecute You
Matthew 5:44 says, “Pray for those who persecute you.” One way to get something out of your spirit is to pray for the person who put it there .
A few months ago I got a phone call informing me of some opposition to our rezoning petition for a piece of property we own. Then I discovered some emails that had circulated that were unfair and unkind. My natural reaction was animosity towards the opposition, but I made a conscientious decision to pray for the opposition. The animosity dissipated and was replaced by a genuine feeling of compassion and respect. I learned to like them because I prayed for them. That’s what happens when you pray for those who “persecute” you.
Prayer is a great way to guard your heart . Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God , which transcends all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Your Anger
Ephesians 4:26 is some of the best advice in the Bible. It says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Here is a principle that is true in most circumstances: the longer you wait to deal with a problem the worse it gets . Two words: root canal.
Don’t let things go unresolved because they only get worse. You may be able to repress your sadness or anger or guilt for a while, but it’s like a beach ball submerged under the water. Eventually it’s going to resurface.
Matthew 5:23-25 says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you , leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” The word reconciled means “ to bring closure .” You close the books on something. If you want to guard you heart, do what Jesus says in verse 25. “Settle matters quickly .”
Don’t be People Pleaser
Abraham Lincoln said, “ You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all the people all the time .” That’s the facts of life. If you’re a people-pleaser by personality, your heart is subject to the people you want to please.
The Pharisees were people-pleasers. Jesus said in Matthew 23:5, “Everything they do is done for me to see.” The best way to guard your heart is live for an audience of One . If all that matters is pleasing your Heavenly Father, the heart is protected from the whims of people.
Fess Up When You Mess Up
Confession is good for the soul . It’s good for the heart too. We weren’t designed to carry guilt. It’s like a ten pound weight on the heart. One of the best ways to guard you heart is to confess your sin . I John 1:8-9 says, “If we confess our sin He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts .”
Hebrews 4:7