Pay It Forward
From the Series—Influence: The Power of One
March 7, 2002The movie Pay it Forward is about a social studies teacher named Mr. Simonet who gives a unique extra-credit assignment to a class of seventh-graders.
Think of an idea to change the world and put it into action.
Trevor McKinney, played by Haley Joel Osment, takes the assignment seriously. He challenges his classmates. “Do something nice for someone who really needs help--it has to be something hard, something they can’t do for themselves--and in return, that person passes on the gesture to three other people; they pay the kindness forward.”
When I saw the trailer for Pay it Forward, the concept captivated me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t just good entertainment. It was good theology. The concept doesn’t originate with a Hollywood script. It originates in Scripture. Jesus said in Matthew 25:37-40, “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did it from me’.”
The book Kid’s Random Acts of Kindness is a compilation of stories about kids being kind. One eighth-grader named Erin shares her story. “I was going down the stairs after 1st period. Everyone was walking all over a fifth grader on the ground. I decided to help him pick up his books and when I was finished I told him I was sorry everyone was stepping on him. I knew he was crying. I know how he felt. I was also a fifth grader once. I’m not telling you this so you think I’m a nice person. I’m telling you because what I did made me feel good about myself. I hope you take that into consideration. I want other people to know that by helping one person it makes you feel like you helped the whole world.”
The Talmud, the Jewish commentary on the Old Testament, says it this way. “Whoever destroys one life, it is as though he has destroyed a whole world; and whoever saves one life, it is as though he had saved a whole world.” Sometimes we’re paralyzed by what we can’t do instead of doing what we can. Edward Everett Hale once penned these words,
I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything;
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
The Whisper Test
A few years ago, I read a powerful story by Mary Ann Bird titled, “The Whisper Test.” She writes, “I was born with a cleft palate, and when I started school, my classmates made it clear to me how I looked to others: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth, and garbled speech. When schoolmates asked what happened to my lip; I’d tell them I’d fallen and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have been born different. I was convinced that no one outside my family could love me. There was, however, a teacher in the second grade who we all adored, Mrs. Leonard by name. She was short, round, happy--a sparkling lady. Annually we had a hearing test and Mrs. Leonard gave the test to everyone in the class, and finally it was my turn. I knew from past years that as we stood against the door and covered one ear, the teacher sitting at her desk would whisper something, and we would have to repeat it back-things like “The sky is blue” or ‘Do you have new shoes?’ I waited there for those words that God must have put into her mouth, those seven words that changed my life. Mrs. Leonard whispered, “I wish you were my little girl.”
A small act of kindness can make a big difference! Sometimes all it takes is seven words! Here’s what I love about Matthew 25:37-40. None of it is “over our heads.” They are things anybody can do--give a meal to the hungry or drink to the thirsty, visit a prisoner or patient, help the homeless.
I’m at a point in my spiritual journey where I realize that the simple things are the important things. Spiritual maturity is not measured by information. It’s measured by transformation. We don’t need more information. We need more incarnation. The “word” must become “flesh.” We simply need to put it into practice.
At the end of his life, philosopher Aldous Huxley said that “after a lifetime devoted to studying the human condition, it is a little embarrassing to find that one has nothing more profound to suggest than ‘try to be a little kinder’.”
Change Agent
You may have never thought of it in these terms, but kindness is a change agent. Romans 2:4 is a linchpin in my theology. It says, “God’s kindness leads us towards repentance.” What’s repentance? It comes from the Greek word metanoia which means, “change of mind.” So when God wants us to change, what does he do? He doesn’t use threats or arguments. He doesn’t resort to nagging. When he wants us to change, He shows kindness. And if we don’t change, he shows more kindness.
In his book, Influence: They Psychology of Persuasion, Robert Cialdini talks about one of the most powerful factors in influence. He calls the concept “reciprocation.” If someone is kind to you--whether it’s a smile or a kind word--you feel indebted. And the natural human reaction is to want to reciprocate. This is so deeply ingrained in human nature, that one research project called the Regan study found that reciprocation is even more powerful than friendship. If someone does something nice for us--whether we like them or not--we feel a sense of obligation to repay them.
In Matthew 5:38, Jesus says, “You have heard it said, ‘Eye for an eye, and tooth for tooth’.” Jesus lived in a culture where the law of retribution was in vogue--it was eye for eye and tooth for tooth. It was about getting even. It was about paying back. But Jesus says, “Do not resist an evil person.” I like to think of this as spiritual jujitsu. In judo, you don’t resist another person. You simply redirect their energy. Then Jesus introduces the law of reciprocation. He says, “If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.”
I know this is easier said that done. This kind of kindness requires courage. C.S. Lewis said, “Courage is not just one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” Courage is practicing all the other virtues--honesty, faithfulness, kindness, mercy--in the face of personal risk. Lewis says, “Pilate was merciful till it became risky.” It’s one thing to be kind to those who are kind to us. But it takes courage to “love your enemy.”
In 1992, Larry Trapp hit the front page of newspapers across America. He was a Grand Dragon in the Ku Klux Klan. For years, Larry Trapp terrorized a Jewish leader in his community. He sent hate mail. He made threatening phone calls. He even threatened to bomb the synagogue. Then Larry did an about-face. He tore his Nazi flags, destroyed his hate literature, and renounced the KKK. How does that kind of transformation from that kind of hatred happen at that stage of life? Here’s the rest of the story.
Larry Trapp started dying from diabetes. Eventually he was confined to a wheelchair and couldn’t care for himself any longer. That’s when the Jewish leader who had been harassed for so many years, invited Larry Trapp into his home to live with his family. He took care of him when nobody else would. In an interview, Larry Trapp said, “They showed me so much love that I could not help but love them back.”
That’s how God loves us. Romans 5:6 says, “God demonstrates his love for us in this that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” And that’s how we’re called to love one another. I think Henrietta Mears was right when she said, “Kindness has converted more sinners than zeal, eloquence, or learning.” Kindness is the ultimate change agent.
Interrupting the Pattern
In psychological circles, turning the other cheek or giving your cloak or going the extra mile would be called pattern interrupts. If someone slaps you and you slap them back, all you’ve done is perpetuate the pattern. But if you turn the other cheek or give them your cloak or go the extra mile you have interrupted the pattern. II Kings 6 is a classic example.
Israel and Aram are at war, and the King of Aram sends his army to capture and kill Elisha the prophet. To make a long story short, instead of capturing Elisha, Elisha captures the Aramean army. They are trapped inside the city of Samaria, and the King of Israel asks Elisha, “Shall I kill them?” Put yourself in Elisha’s shoes. I’ve never been on someone’s hit list (that I know of), but when someone tries to kill us, we tend to take those kinds of thing personally! And Elisha has a golden opportunity to get even, to invoke the law of retribution. But Elisha goes to the opposite extreme.
‘Do not kill them,’ he answered. ‘Set food and water before them so that they may eat and drink and then go back to their master.’ So he prepared a great feast for them, and after they had finished eating and drinking, he sent them away, and they returned to their master. So the bands from Aram stopped raiding Israel’s territory.”
Do you see the genius in this? The pattern between Israel and Aram was attack, counter-attack. Elisha could have killed Aram’s army, but it would have only perpetuated the pattern. The fighting would have escalated to a new level. Instead, he interrupts the pattern. Elisha literally throws a surprise party for his enemies. It says, “He prepared a great feast for them.” He gives them food and drink and then sends them home. I’m no rocket scientist, but is it any wonder that Aram stops raiding Israel’s territory? Who wants to kill someone who throws parties for them? It sort of defeats the purpose! And sure enough, “Aram stopped raiding Israel’s territory.”
Albert Einstein said, “A problem cannot be solved on the same level it was created.” Natural problems require supernatural solutions. If you want to resolve a problem, interrupt the pattern. I Thessalonians 5:15 tells us how. “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong.” In other words, don’t perpetuate the pattern. Verse 15 continues, “Always try to be kind to each other and everyone else.” Kindness interrupts the pattern. It breaks the negative cycle. It leads to repentance.
One of the easiest and most powerful ways to influence another person is kindness. It’s so simple that sometimes we don’t see it as “spiritual.” But kindness is one of the fruit of the Spirit. It is the by-product of being filled with the Spirit. And the outcome is exponential influence.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people.”
Galatians 6:9-10