So often we can think of our military and veterans as the strong, silent type: tough, calloused men and women who may not experience trauma on the same level as the rest of us. However, this is absolutely not the case! They may be reticent about their pain, but many in the military are deeply hurting right now; many have lost friends. Particularly as the situation in Afghanistan continues to unfold, many are wondering, "Was my service/sacrifice for nothing?"

We spent a few minutes with Sergeant Major Justin Ball, an Army veteran and a Jesus-follower who has ministered in the active duty and veteran mental health field for several years. Justin served 23 years in Army Special Operations with service in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria.  He is completing his Master’s in Social Work focused on working with the veteran community. We asked him for his insights on ministering to the active duty and veteran military NCCers who are in our care.

Given the current situation in Afghanistan, how can we best communicate with and care for NCCers who are active duty military or veterans? What do they need most right now?

Care, compassion, and genuine respect are probably what’s needed most now. 

I can’t speak for all my brothers and sisters in the military, but I do believe most of us feel this way: We in the military stick up for the little guy; we stand up to bullies. That is the “why” behind our chosen career path. Yet right now it feels like we have been forced to leave the weak and vulnerable to fend for themselves.

We want the sacrifices made to be meaningful (missing limbs, lost loved ones, lives physically and mentally altered forever). It can seem to us in the military like those sacrifices have lost all meaning as the work we did in Afghanistan crumbles.

I’d suggest that you communicate care through actions, ideas, hope, and ways to get involved.  This is, after all, what Christians do best – we welcome refugees, we feed the hungry, we give our money to the poor, we sacrifice our time and energy, we open our homes, we comfort the afflicted, we pray…we provide hope to the hopeless. And we in the military are people disposed to action. So helping those who’ve served do what they do best is great: provide ways to act. 

 

What are things that are NOT helpful to say or do?

Sebastian Junger, author of Tribe (highly recommended), says that the most detrimental thing you can do in the presence of active duty military or veterans is to express politically polarizing points of view. Save those for another time and a different group of friends. The more divided our country is, the more disheartened and frustrated our Veterans can become. In the presence of military members and veterans, avoid blaming or “should-ing” either side, or editorializing/armchair quarterbacking about the state of the world. Polarizing, blaming talk can leave soldiers and veterans feeling like their service is not valued or honored, or was “for nothing.”

“Recreational bitterness” (this is such a useful term) is a behavior talked about by Joan Halifax in her book, Standing at the Edge (also highly recommended).  (It’s also the topic of a slightly vulgar but insightful podcast by Joe Rogan). Recreational bitterness is when you’re around a group of people and your primary topic of conversation is carping about what you believe is wrong in the world. It seems like we have all been doing that a lot lately. This kind of talk can be contagious, addictive, and ungrounding, and it makes us sick.  It shifts the atmosphere in a dangerous and detrimental way, and can trigger much hidden pain and anger in veterans. When we are angry, we begin to lose our balance and our ability to see things clearly, and we are prone to falling over the edge. Recreational bitterness is bad for everybody. If the conversation veers in this direction, stop it in its tracks. 

 

What are things that ARE helpful to say or do?  Like, is it okay to ask about how and where they served?  Is it okay/helpful to ask them how they feel about the current situation?

 I think these conversations are best had in an intimate setting, without a time restriction, where your meaningful questions can receive a meaningful reply.  I would also be mindful of asking active duty or veterans where/how they served, as many will downplay what they’ve done and compare their service to a greater sacrifice made by someone else – when in fact they had a meaningful contribution, regardless of what they did or where they served.  Maybe a service member had a critical role but did not see combat, and asking them if they served in Afghanistan might cause an awkward moment if they had not – when in fact it really isn’t the point. 

Some people have criticized the statement “thanks for your service,” but I think it’s just fine to say that.  Any time someone bothers to say that to me, I’m honored.

Just sitting with them in their pain and not saying a word is often the most helpful thing you can do. 

 

PTSD manifests itself across a wide spectrum.  How can we best care for service members and veterans who might be experiencing PTSD when we might not even know it? 

I think it’s important to acknowledge that the PTSD many active duty and veterans are experiencing right now will be very hidden—albeit very real. One of the hallmark symptoms of PTSD is “intrusive thoughts.” Consider for a moment how the 24-hour news cycle is simply providing image after image of suffering, panic, and chaos, often taking a veteran right back to the middle of their personal experience. If a veteran struggles with difficult memories, those will no doubt be exacerbated by what’s happening in Afghanistan. So, I would recommend that people avoid sending news clips, media reports etc., as a way of showing you care or showing interest in their service. Instead, a kind word or a simple text is often really moving: “Thinking about you today.”  It seems so simple, but it’s a wonderful counter to feelings of isolation. And it goes without saying: pray for your military friends. And let them know that you’re praying. That’s balm to anyone’s spirit.